Determine the reason why your wife wants to move. If the new state provides better conditions, bigger pay, better environment for child upbringing, moving is a reasonable step. But if moving puts a greater financial burden on your finances, and the surrounding doesn’t provide many opportunities, isn’t safe or suitable, moving can be a mistake.
Marriage is the ultimate move that signifies stability and settling down. You’re ready to form a family, buy a home, and build a comfortable life together with your partner. Forever after comes with many commitments.
Working towards a way to stay together no matter what is the hardest. When one of you gets an idea or a proposal to move to a different state, it can be the beginning of the end.
When one of you two gets a tempting job offer in another state or is sick of the weather in the area where you live, initiating moving comes as a consequence.
When both of your hearts are not into the idea, there are subjective ways to determine if moving is a benefit or a drawback.
Financial (Dis)Advantage
Financial struggles are one of the triggers that bring moving on the table. Take a good look at your family’s finances and how you’re coping in the current state.
Having a comfortable life in one state can mean struggling to pay your bills in another. Compare the living expenses in the two states – the one you currently reside in and the one on your wife’s wish list.
Let’s say we’re talking about moving within the US.
Mark and Penny are in their mid-twenties, currently living in Dallas, Texas.
They went to college together and landed jobs as accountants, making $68,300 a year each. Penny hates the scene and the weather in Texas. She suggests moving to New York – a city of opportunities where seasons actually change.
Moving to New York will leave them with a negative change in their disposable income. The same job in New York pays $104,000, but the cost of living is astonishingly 85% higher!
So while they’ll get tempted by the 21% higher pay, they’ll be left struggling to pay rent and bills upon deciding to move.
Job Opportunities
Okay, so your wife got a job proposal that she can’t imagine declining, but what about you?
If you like your job and managed to acquire a good position that pays well, why would you move?
First, go on Glassdoor or any other job searching site and look at job offers. How many are there in your field, and how are they paying? Are they from reputable companies?
Go a step further and switch your address on your LinkedIn profile and let talent scouts approach you. You’ll get a real feeling of the work opportunities without leaving your home.
Sometimes we’re too comfortable, especially when paid well, that we don’t bother going through the trouble of applying or going to interviews.
If you’re an introvert and hate switching work environments, you might be missing a better opportunity. Then again, remote work is taking over, look into your company’s policy on the subject.
But things can go south too, and you get an underwhelming job for a lower payment. Do your research and compare notes with your wife.
What You Leave Behind
The hardest part of moving beside the financial conflict is the sentimental side.
When you’ve settled in a place surrounded by your friends and family, moving can be tough to digest.
You can struggle mentally, unable to visit home as often as you want. What makes a place home is the people and atmosphere we’re surrounding ourselves with. If you have a ritual, a hobby you love like golfing on Sundays with the guys, or couple’s game nights every second Saturday of the month, it’s all left behind.
Discuss this side with your wife. Maybe she hasn’t considered the emotional burden you’d be putting on yourself by leaving your extended family or friends behind.
How about your children? If your kids already go to school, moving means losing the first friends they made. Changing schools is not an easy experience. If someone from your family is babysitting, relocating means you’ll have to think about childcare too!
Housing And Moving Logistics
Luckily for us, the internet provides us an instant peek at the housing market in every place on Earth.
Whether you’re renting or paying a mortgage, you’ve settled in your city and can manage your payments. On the other hand, maybe you’ve already paid for your home, so there’s also the question of renting it out or selling it.
Finding a home is the hardest part of moving together with finding proper jobs. Unfortunately, the real estate market varies a lot, depending on the state you pick. This means you’d need months to find a home, and it can come at a surprising cost.
As of the second quarter of 2021, the average home price in the US is $374,000. However, the median means there are pricier and cheaper houses all around the states.
For example, in Washington, a home can cost you $519,522, while the same square footage is just $150,754 in Oklahoma!
Test Move
Don’t go cold turkey and quit your job, rental, or whatever you have connected to your life in this state, and move overnight!
Start by exploring the state your wife wants to move to, read the news, local blogs, related sites, join Facebook groups. Next, take a week off and rent an Airbnb in the town your wife prefers to live.
Pick a residential neighborhood instead of a more touristy one to get a local’s perspective.
Take the trip but don’t make it a vacation. Rather wake up and leave the house at morning rush hour, go downtown in the evening and take a stroll to look at schools and playgrounds in the area.
Take mental notes of how you feel here – safe, comfortable, could adjust easily, or uneasy and nervous. Can you imagine having dinner in that family restaurant or visit the farmer’s market every week, just like back home?
And most importantly, can you afford the same lifestyle in this new place? The answer to these questions will guide you to making the right decision.
Compromise
After you’ve weighed on all of the topics we mentioned above, find the right time to discuss the problem with your wife. Then, write down the pros and cons of moving and staying. Having the stakes black on white opens new perspectives.
If the new state comes with lower living expenses, better schools, safer neighborhoods, more career opportunities, and an enjoyable climate, it’s worth considering moving.
If the move compromises your financial stability, comfortable housing, leads to limited or no career prospects, this is not the right time and place to move.
However, in life and marriage, we often have to compromise. For example, when your wife gets a better opportunity in another state and all other prospects are better than in your hometown, you need to consider compromising.
Sometimes sacrificing some of your comforts can mean the world to your partner.
Research has shown that partners who make sacrifices for others stay together longer and have healthier relationships. But if you don’t find your wife reciprocating, it’s natural to hesitate the move.
When you’re struggling to reach an agreement, consider counseling. It can open new perspectives on the subject and help both of you make a better decision.
In the end, ask yourselves, will you be happy there and how will it affect your marriage?
FAQs
What do you do when your wife wants to move, but you don’t?
Moving is something both sides need to agree on, especially when married. Don’t make a decision you’d resent later or neglect the apparent reasons against moving. If you can’t reach an agreement, it can end up in separation.
My partner wants to move home – but I don’t?
During the recession, many were obligated to move in order to make a living. It’s easier to cope with the idea of temporary moving, but when there’s no point in the future of coming back home, there’s when trouble arises. Point the perks, and all of the progress you’ve made in this place and how coming back home is a drawback.
What to do when you don’t know where to move?
Start with why you want to move – paycheck, safety, cost of living, climate. Then select the places that fill out your criteria. If you’re thinking of going overseas, consider all the paperwork, visas, and the language barrier.
Where is the most laidback place to live?
Sunnyvale, Garden Grove, San Francisco in California, Arlington in Virginia, Bellevue, and Seattle in Washington are the top-ranked laidback cities. They have the highest mental, physical, and financial health rank in the US.
Bottom Line
While some love the life on the road can move every month if they can, for others, moving is one of the most complex decisions.
When your wife comes to you with the idea of moving, you might be perplexed – should you jump on the idea too? So many things come into play when it comes to going to a different state.
Financial stability is the number one priority, but the sentimental side essentially makes you fall in love with living at a place.
Compromising can be hard when you have your life sorted out at your current place, but sacrifices are what make us human. A reasonable decision is the one that allows you to keep your finances, peace, and health in order. It shouldn’t come with resentment or because you feel pressured.
Would you move because your wife wants? Is moving something you find easy or despise?
